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[21 Jun 2007|12:41am] |
...i guess it doesnt matter.
because i will always have questions.
whether i pick plan a or plan b.
the doubt is emminent.
would it kill you to give me some precipitation hurr?!
haha..
no but seriously.
poop.
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[15 Jun 2007|02:10am] |
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mood |
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 relaxed |
] |
gayle's debut was fun.
and it made me realize that im not that attracted to meh anymore.
and....that life is going to be easier starting..NOW.
:)
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[13 Jun 2007|01:32am] |
wait. is today the 13th or the 12th?
..my lj always likes to pick random dates, so i have to set it back to the actual one.
today was fun.
at breakfast at my own leisure.
french toast, scrambled eggs, and strawberry smoothie.
i know right?!
then..i went to my mom's office. and i met the new 'rebecca'. her name's lily.
ive always wanted that name.
i told her that too.
then went to raisa's practice for a little bit..then to vics.
sang magic mic and realized how bad i am WHEN IM NOT ALONE.
we had a dress rehearsal at the sheraton.
we're finally getting it.
today was chill.
jobo and i got carl's and caught up.
i really miss him.
i can tell that this year is going to be big on catching up with oldies.
and im fuckin excited.
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[10 Jun 2007|12:49am] |
i asked blu to teach me how to make stencils.
he said yes.
what a sweetheart.
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[02 Jun 2007|08:40pm] |
goood weekend.
im so excited for spring break!
ahh.
tomorrow should be chill.
mm.
i am slowly getting better..
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[06 May 2007|10:50pm] |
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music |
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aqualung::brighter than sunshine. |
] |
...its fascinating.
how something could come to an end so abruptly.
something that grew over the years...
something that went through so many stages.
...it's there.
it's tangible. yet..never again achievable.
because self respect is worth more than it ever will be again.
..is it fascinating?...or just disappointing that...
it feels so right, even though it's wrong from now on.
maybe its both.
...and that one move can change our future.
one move that in that moment seemed perfectly alright.
...perfectly alright because the fact that it would serve as the biggest factor in this situation has not yet become evident.
..and so you say 'redemption is quickly unreachable'.
....define redemption.
and when you do....tell me.
show me.
because i still have yet to believe it exists...
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[07 Apr 2007|05:05am] |
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music |
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Crack the Whip :: The Spinto Band |
] |
It's 1:18 am right now. I guess it's 'april 7th..'. Justin and i were just talking about how weird it is to call today 'yesterday' once 12 am comes. I'm not really a fan of that system, but whatever.
So today, we went to Sam Woo for lunch. Ok, i didn't really come to vegas to eat JUST asian food, but it's the birthday man's call, so Sam Woo it was..
Then, we went to Tropicana to see that Bodies Exhibit. It was interesting, i personally thought it would be a bit more interesting than it really was...but it was interesting enough to put Surgeon back in the running for my career options. It wasn't JUST the exhibition that made me think of this field, ..i've also been particularly interested in Operation Smile lately. Don't ask why. I don't know. It was just random.
I got to start on my book for English class. It's interesting...i guess. The margins are too small for all my annotations...but what am i talking about this for?
I've decided that from now on, every Sunday, I'll drive to the valley and pick up my grandparents and go to mass with them. Then, we'll go eat lunch, just the three of us. It'll be cute. It'll be our weekly Grandparents' day. I hate to admit that sometimes it takes as much as a tragedy (ms. kozubek's death) to make us realize that we need to take action on things that we otherwise take for granted...but as long as something catches my attention...
So i'm really excited for that, I used to be able to see my grandparents everyday. ...now i barely do. It's come to that point where my grandma and grandpa are asking me "how's life? how's johnny?" (haha they don't know about that yet, but i intend to keep it that way. otherwise, i'd get the dreaded puppy love talk)... I guess i don't like accepting that transition...the one from casual close relationships...(the ones that don't need updates on life because they know everything from the previous day) ...to the distant drifting relationships...(the ones that need updates because lots couldve happened during the week you havent seen eath other. ) This is why i tell Kevin and Bean...and a few others, that i never want to hear them say "so...how is life going?" It's just too formal for comfort. That sort of thing is for the friendly aquaintance.
Tomorrow, or today...again, i hate that stupid system, we're going to eat at a buffet. Finally...Vanessa and i were talking about how great Vegas buffets are. Jesus and I talked about how one day we should just take a road trip to vegas JUST for the buffets. They're that good.
This vegas trip has been the chillest trip i've ever had out here. None of that hotel check-in/check-out hassle. It's nice to shower in your own shower...It's nice to not have to worry about beating the check out time and cramming all your shit in your suitcase...and having to worry that you've left something in the room...and you might never see it again. I remember that happened last time i was in vegas with vic. I left my mom's sweater in the room and I knew it too, right after i stepped out of the elevator on the lobby floor. I knew that i wasn't with my family, but with sometime like it. Unfortunately, not comfortable enough to make them wait for me to run back upstairs to get it. Well, my mom, to this day, does not remember that i was the last one to wear that sweater. Ha.
Anything else?
What a ramble. Who reads this shit anyways. haha.
This coke is keeping me awake, stupid me for drinking it. Oh well. I have EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH to watch again. I loved that movie, it was funny.
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[03 Apr 2007|11:59pm] |
Today was interesting.
We had a prayer service for Ms. Kozubek. It's amazing how a tragedy can just pull people out of their own lives for a second...just the way everyone stayed quiet. and payed their respect...it just makes you realize that you can never guarantee another day.
...this past week, i've been reluctant to travel all the way to las vegas with my family. But i've realized that i haven't even seen my little brother that much. And seeing my sister has remained minimal...because i go to school in the valley and both of them go to school around home...I come home late, and Eric's already asleep.
It's been like this ever since i've gotten my license. and i'm scared i might miss out on his growing up. My dad's birthday is coming up...i'm painting him something. :)
and i'm actually excited to spend time with my family. It's been way to long since the last time we've all actually sat down together, complete.
so, hopefully this weekend i can reassure my dad that he is loved. because as he says 'in every family there must be a disciplinarian'. eh, i dont know if thats true, but he believes it is...and he chose to take that role. i feel sorry for him sometimes because he's only doing it with the right intentions. and i need to grow up and stop complaining about him. looking at my past entries..and just past situations...i mightve been the unreasonable one.
...today i saw barb.
and surprisingly, it was casually life-changing. well ...short term at least. no. it could be long term too? i mightve been mourning forever over my dead relationship. but, i think im going to be ok.
genuinely....im almost perfectly content. i just want to provide peaceful closure, or not even closure, but just a mutual understanding that everything is fine. no hard feelings.
seeing barb and jesus...its almost a direct relation. i can see my past relationship in theirs, and all this made me realize the passing comments that johnny has made on the way...the comments that mightve saved it. i guess i ignored too much of it..and tried to hold on to something that was already there....hold on to it because i thought it would go. but ironically, it was because of my paranoia ..
i have to laugh.
its like watching me all over again.
im really glad all of this happened.
its like training. ive done this before...taken the good aspects out of the bad situations....i know that i live in the past sometimes but i will say this...in eighth grade, i experienced something that i thought was heartbreak. ha. its cute thinking about that now...but nevertheless, i became stronger and never cried over a guy until 3 years later. for the same person. thank you johnny, i know you dont really deserve my appreciation right now. but i couldnt thank you enough for doing this to me. i am taking what i can get out of this. and its gonna be good.
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[02 Apr 2007|11:53pm] |
you live and you learn.
and you live again.
and i think im going to forgive too...
itll be hard to forget.
but what good is it going to do me to dwell on the negative things in life.
im not going to regret that this happened...instead, im thankful for all the good times.
i really needed that to change the routine in my life.
and now my momentum's back.
and life is good.
hahaa "gardener".
....johnny, i will directly address you. i think we needed this anyways. the last two months obviously werent going anywhere. so what happens happens. no hard feelings.
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[01 Apr 2007|12:59am] |
...i think its what we aim to be that makes the difference.
i just realized that this whole time..ive been striving to be something that was completely beyond what i should have been AT THE TIME.
im starting to undersatnd more and more....very gradually. but i am glad that i am able to just feel content for a little bit.
i haven't felt that in a while.
.
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[28 Mar 2007|10:16pm] |
Lately, I've been paying extra attention to lyrics. It's cool when you find a song that pretty much covers everything you feel.
Ok, so i got a new car yesterday...we needed a replacement because my great-uncle is coming back to pick up his KIA. its ok..i didn't like that wobbly SUV anyway.
Oh, today, my voice started coming back...I'm glad everything worked out because tomorrow I'm going to work this benefit dinner with Jesus tomorrow.
I ended up coming to school late, just in time for lunch.. For english we went to the library...probably the most boring english class this year..Then, after school, I went to track. It was really easy..all we did was starts. I guess i came in during the easy week, eh i dunno if thats a good thing or not, next week's probably going to suck. Oh well..I need to get back in shape, my doctor says that I'm losing weight for the wrong reasons.
After track, Jorge, Mark, Bean, and I started driving to Denny's, excuse me "Lenny's", but Bean's dad called and we had to drive him back. So it ended up being Jorge, Mark, and me.
Some old asian lady with painted eyebrows served us ..Mark kept laughing.
Mean.
Back at school. I ended up taking Larry Larry Thompson home, then came back and played volleyball with Andrew Lee and Charles. Ok.
My livejournal entries suck.
It's pretty much just a reflection of my day. and who wants that...
Ok...now i'm home..i should be studying for history..but i don't really need to. I might just go to sleep early..I love doing that. Or i might just call Justin.
Hmmmm.
Alemany track meet tomorrow. Tuttle told me i won't be racing tomorrow considering i just came back on Monday. But she told me i will next week, which kinda confuses me because we get out of school on WEDNESDAY.
One more thing...
I don't understand why my dad calls me "babes"..like plural. Eh. It must be a filipino thing...Although i might accept "babes" before i'd accept "babe"...at least from him. Babe sounds too americanized for dad. ha.
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[26 Mar 2007|10:22pm] |
so far..everything has been going smoothly...
...but i feel like sometimes, i think too much. it's almost like i LOOK for something to worry about...
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[27 Feb 2007|10:45pm] |
dear me,
Given these circumstances...you're already dead.
So what if you were to die..segments of your life flash in front of your eyes.
What do you see?....
or is it more like..
What DON'T you see?
You were given a choice.
And after your decision..you feel like you BELONG on this earth.
No more wasting time.
If you could call this being reborn..go ahead...sounds about right..
i love books.
they make you realize things...
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[17 Feb 2007|12:59am] |
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february is full of bullshit.
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[12 Feb 2007|10:00pm] |
I don't know how many people read this...
But, sometimes when i've come down to absolute absolute boredome...i come back here and read all my previous entries, and it's almost as satisfying as looking back at my old diaries from middle school. (i miss those. it's funny how i would write down every single detail of my day..)
Today was a really good day.
Nothing extraordinary, but everything turned out 'alright', which is enough for me at this point...
My homework is done before 10 am. And for once, i can try this new thing called, 'sleeping early!'
Ok. Now i'm just going to ramble for a little bit.
I got to try my first POM tea today, and it was really good. Green tea with lychee flavor (Vic and I like to pronounce it like 'lie-chee' unlike everyone else's 'lee-chee'...i guess it'll take some time getting used to that....but for now i'll continue to say 'lie-chee lee-chee'...mine first.) ok digression. Anyways, i was reading the side of the bottle...it said something like 'blah blah....blah blah enjoy amazing tea in a KEEPSAKE BOTTLE'. Then, i remembered watching the screen at vons for the prices...yeah..this one POM juice was around $3...
i would totally just drink that from a styrofoam cup. It's amazing how much they mark up these products. Oh well, I'm taking full advantage of these cups. they're kinda cute. i might use them for my coins..(ironic how i spent so much money on this one drink...the least i could do is make use of it as storage for the money i wasted)
ok i don't know if im even making sense anymore...ramble ramble...
and today...my sister...and my brother were watching the same show in two separate rooms.
I tell them to watch in one room...and my brother changes the channel...
and I just thought it was amusing how my brother would rather cut short the show that he was watching just because he didnt feel like getting up and walking probably 15 steps TOPS to the library.
ok.
Now, i have to type up an NPJ. And...go to sleep.
Oh, and grocery shopping.
My favorite kind of shopping..everevereverever.
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| who read's livejournal anyway..? |
[08 Jan 2007|01:02am] |
right?
if no one's going to read this...
im ok with it...if anything it spares me the loss of a few people's respect haha.
right now, my anger and annoyance is seriously consuming me from even inside of my body.
its weird how you can feel it..like a big ball of air just swirling inside underneath your ribcage.
well thats just me.
amazingly ridiculous.
i have no idea why i am like this.
how one thing...so small as this can phase me.
it throws me off.
and quite frankly, i am not ready to face anyone tomorrow...
i think for the first time in a long time, im going to skip school soley to recover from such nonsense.
i think i might need help.
like ..
eh.
i hate admitting that.
"she's crazy."
i know i am.
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[20 Dec 2006|02:34pm] |
wow...
so the third attempt to communicate didn't work.
this really disappoints me.
and it sucks...im in a room with two korean lovers.
and i am sitting here waiting for mine.
he probably overslept.
and i understand that considering i kept him up til 11.
which..
meh.
i dunno.
well i am gonna wait a little longer.
but i wont be able to wait past eleven because the internet connection wont be available to us anymore after that time supposedly. and the room closes...
AND.
im already scared as fuck to walk back to my room all by myself in the scary darkness.
poo.
and i hate being the third wheel.
i feel so uncomfortable in this room.
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[20 Dec 2006|10:02am] |
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mood |
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At least i smell the fries now |
] |
P.S. There is this korean girl that is here with her boyfriend. And may i point out that all the asian couples brought their tripods. I know i've already mentioned this before. But its funny. I feel like im a guest at a photoshoot studio.
P.P.S. Another thing i've noticed is that they are really possesive. The guys...They hold onto their girlfriends for dear life to make sure the other ones dont take them. It's funny. And sweet. Yesss!
The garlic fries came!
I'm SO HAPPY.
And Steph is a good sister.
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| Stinky. |
[20 Dec 2006|09:59am] |
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mood |
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 Mid-day Porta Potty Aroma?! |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sleeping To Dream by Jason Mraz... |
] |
Today was fun.
I got to go on a banana boat...
It's an inflatable boat that holds 4 people and a speedboat pulls you around the ocean through the waves and stuff.
It made me miss home, magic mountain...blah.
Then, I went kayaking...and that was a good workout. =]
Hmm...then we went to another island for a 'picnic' lunch..and i had about 5 mangoes. Oh, and it turns out that salt really does make things taste less sour...like pineapple for example. Yeah, go ahead and think I'm weird, I thought it was weird too, but it's true.
Oh and now i have a bunch of sand coins in my purse. Yay!
Back at the resort, i went into the pool. Had a nice thinking session about stuff to think about.
Oh my gosh, it feels like forever ago since i last ate. and I'm stuck in a room with some 30-40 year old woman that smells like mid-day porta potty.
yeah. mid-day porta potties are NOT MY FAVORITE...
i dunno, maybe its her shampoo.
ugh.
and this room is pretty small too.
Maybe i should just close my legs and see if it goes away. Maybe its me.
Just kidding.
No one's reading this anyway. But that cheered me up.
I smell like lotion. Good lotion.
So, i keep sniffing my hand to get rid of that awful mid-day porta potty smell. ugh.
Right now i'm taking a break from my homework.
It's stupid having to have to do homework over break. Especially when you're trying to relax...and get your mind off of things...
But no....I have to analyze Huck Finn.
Fun.
Fun. Fun.
=]
Well, I go back to manila tomorrow, I'm excited about that. I think i've seen all there is to be seen at this resort. Or at least most of it.
I can't wait to see my other cousins...considering these ones won't talk to me, theyre too shy haha. They just smile and laugh..and sometimes run away. It's really cute though. One of them thought i said my cousin was dating my sister.
Yeah. cute right?
Ok, i REALLY REALLY hope Steph ordered those garlic fries for me ..because my tummy hurts because i'm malnourished.
Plus, that food would distract me from Smelly McSmelly over here...
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| Day 4 |
[19 Dec 2006|11:35am] |
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mood |
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 love love love. |
] |
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music |
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Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap |
] |
I'm on day 4..or should i say night 4 of my vacation..and I'm in the computer room by myself..
It's really nice because i can get away from all those asian couples with the tripods/cameras taking pictures or themselves...looking sexy.
ok. that was completely unneccessary. but i thought it was funny. especially because they all have tripods.
today, i went windsurfing...two sessions. one before lunch..and one after.
it was a lot harder than i thought, but i got the hang of it during the second session when the wind actually came.
i got burnt too. and i look cute.
haha anyways, everyone is outside eating, and im just waiting here for my mom to come get me because i promised her i would wait for her before i started eating...she is getting a massage right now with my cousin...and steph and i just finished ours about an hour and a half ago...
it was amazing...and it was my first time.
mm.
she kinda rubbed my temples hard though..i thought my skull would crack.
mm...yeah, its really pretty around here..and they extended our stay on this resort for one more day.
i dunno whether im happy or disappointed about that yet because i kind of wanna go back to see the rest of my family and actually experience the city. not this secluded patch of land.
umumum.
i really miss everyone.
but, the time is going by fast here anyways...
hopefully i make the most out of this.
i think i am. for the most part at least.
oh and the fries are yummy.
i wish i could coordinate this whole time change/communication thing so i can talk to everyone. i will get the hang of it.
but back in manila, i dont think the internet cafes are as nice as this....oh and theyre not free. hehe.
so its too bad. but whatever.
i tried to talk to johnny today, but that didnt work out..mostly because myspace im sucks tripods.
and theres a bug zigzagging across this computer screen.
speaking of which, today i played with an enormous beetle.
it was gross/cool.
i did a lot of new things today..yay.
ok.
im gonna go see if my mom decided to be a jerk and eat without me. :)
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| Leaving soon. |
[13 Dec 2006|07:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 johnny is a geek. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Ben Jelen something... |
] |
I won't be with my friends to countdown the end of this year...so i would just like to say..thank you so much for the best year in a really long time.
I've made so many friends...and definitely strengthened some relationships to extents that i would have never expected.
So, I'm definitely upset that I can't spend this christmas with you guys, but hopefully this trip will be a good experience.
Yay!
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[21 Nov 2006|03:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 clear out of ideas |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Mixture of I'm Yours by Jason Mraz & that Paris Hilton song |
] |
I remember when livejournal was popular.
I might use this again.
Then again, that's what i always say.
Hmm...today, i got my license.
I'm super excited.
Too bad i have to put my ecstasy on hold while i do my english essay that's due tonight.
stupid.
stupid.
stupid.
Anyways.
People come back.
Oh.
Life is good for the most part.
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[23 Sep 2006|10:30pm] |
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music |
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dancing in the moonlight. |
] |
i'm really disappointed that my diaryland got deleted...it wouldve been nice to have gone back and read everything that ive written about back then. =\
well. everything right now is a little overwhelming for my taste. but its ok. i guess this is what i get for living a drama free life for about three years now.
i'm trying to restart this whole diary thing...not livejournal. an actual diary. im not doing too well ..its because i feel like i want to write down every single part of the day. and that takes too long. i dunno. i might go do that now.
and now im learning a song for bubba. and. its EXTREMELY HOT.
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[07 Sep 2006|10:15pm] |
wow...
weird.
its been so long since i've updated this.
i guess im too involved with whats really going on..
i dont have too much time.
but anyways.
this year is my 4.0 year.
watch.
i have set my goals. and im going to fulfill them.
and my life is going great.
i just thought that i should update this on a happier note,
as opposed to the usual drag..
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[19 Apr 2006|10:07pm] |
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yes ma'am, i am aware that you're beating me.
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[06 Apr 2006|08:35pm] |
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mood |
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 foodage. |
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music |
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life after lisa...bfs |
] |
fuck boys.
im focusing on school ...thank you very much...
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[02 Apr 2006|11:39pm] |
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mood |
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 fortune cookies give me hope. |
] |
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music |
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tennis court soundtrack |
] |
things always get better. and i know they will soon.
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[02 Apr 2006|02:55pm] |
plus side of having a religion class:
being able to understand what the priest is trying to tell you.
mmhmm
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[26 Mar 2006|08:20pm] |
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music |
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we are always searching |
] |
this is lame.
either someone is logging into my myspace ...or myspace is messing up. cuz i gave up myspace for lent, but apparently, i signed on recently. my friends told me 'they were disappointed' blah blah.
ok, to clarify. im very religious. and i assure you, i havent seen a myspace loggin page since the beginning of lent.
whatever. i don't really have to prove anything to YOU do i?...
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most recent entries |
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x_my__heart's journal
