x_my__heart

x_my__heart @ 2007-06-21T00:41:00

2007-06-21T07:43:55Z

...i guess it doesnt matter.
because i will always have questions.
whether i pick plan a or plan b.
the doubt is emminent.
would it kill you to give me some precipitation hurr?!

haha..

no but seriously.
poop.

x_my__heart @ 2007-06-15T02:10:00

2007-04-14T09:13:45Z

gayle's debut was fun.

and it made me realize that im not that attracted to meh anymore.
and....that life is going to be easier starting..NOW.

:)

x_my__heart @ 2007-06-10T00:49:00

2007-04-09T07:54:49Z

i asked blu to teach me how to make stencils.
he said yes.
what a sweetheart.

x_my__heart @ 2007-06-02T20:40:00

2007-04-02T03:49:04Z

goood weekend.
im so excited for spring break!
ahh.

tomorrow should be chill.
mm.
i am slowly getting better..

x_my__heart @ 2007-04-01T00:59:00

2007-04-01T08:02:02Z

...i think its what we aim to be that makes the difference.

i just realized that this whole time..ive been striving to be something that was completely beyond what i should have been AT THE TIME.

im starting to undersatnd more and more....very gradually. but i am glad that i am able to just feel content for a little bit.
i haven't felt that in a while.

.

x_my__heart @ 2007-03-28T22:16:00

2007-03-29T05:26:14Z

Lately, I've been paying extra attention to lyrics. It's cool when you find a song that pretty much covers everything you feel.

Ok, so i got a new car yesterday...we needed a replacement because my great-uncle is coming back to pick up his KIA. its ok..i didn't like that wobbly SUV anyway.

Oh, today, my voice started coming back...I'm glad everything worked out because tomorrow I'm going to work this benefit dinner with Jesus tomorrow.

I ended up coming to school late, just in time for lunch.. For english we went to the library...probably the most boring english class this year..Then, after school, I went to track. It was really easy..all we did was starts. I guess i came in during the easy week, eh i dunno if thats a good thing or not, next week's probably going to suck. Oh well..I need to get back in shape, my doctor says that I'm losing weight for the wrong reasons.
After track, Jorge, Mark, Bean, and I started driving to Denny's, excuse me "Lenny's", but Bean's dad called and we had to drive him back. So it ended up being Jorge, Mark, and me.
Some old asian lady with painted eyebrows served us ..Mark kept laughing.
Mean.

Back at school. I ended up taking Larry Larry Thompson home, then came back and played volleyball with Andrew Lee and Charles. Ok.
My livejournal entries suck.
It's pretty much just a reflection of my day. and who wants that...

Ok...now i'm home..i should be studying for history..but i don't really need to. I might just go to sleep early..I love doing that. Or i might just call Justin.

Hmmmm.

Alemany track meet tomorrow. Tuttle told me i won't be racing tomorrow considering i just came back on Monday. But she told me i will next week, which kinda confuses me because we get out of school on WEDNESDAY.

One more thing...
I don't understand why my dad calls me "babes"..like plural. Eh. It must be a filipino thing...Although i might accept "babes" before i'd accept "babe"...at least from him. Babe sounds too americanized for dad. ha.

x_my__heart @ 2007-03-26T22:22:00

2007-01-24T06:25:23Z

so far..everything has been going smoothly...

...but i feel like sometimes, i think too much. it's almost like i LOOK for something to worry about...

who read's livejournal anyway..?

2007-01-08T09:06:22Z

right?
if no one's going to read this...
im ok with it...if anything it spares me the loss of a few people's respect haha.
right now, my anger and annoyance is seriously consuming me from even inside of my body.
its weird how you can feel it..like a big ball of air just swirling inside underneath your ribcage.
well thats just me.
amazingly ridiculous.
i have no idea why i am like this.
how one thing...so small as this can phase me.
it throws me off.
and quite frankly, i am not ready to face anyone tomorrow...
i think for the first time in a long time, im going to skip school soley to recover from such nonsense.
i think i might need help.

like ..
eh.
i hate admitting that.
"she's crazy."
i know i am.

x_my__heart @ 2006-12-20T14:34:00

2006-12-20T14:34:28Z

wow...
so the third attempt to communicate didn't work.
this really disappoints me.
and it sucks...im in a room with two korean lovers.
and i am sitting here waiting for mine.
he probably overslept.
and i understand that considering i kept him up til 11.
which..
meh.
i dunno.
well i am gonna wait a little longer.
but i wont be able to wait past eleven because the internet connection wont be available to us anymore after that time supposedly. and the room closes...
AND.
im already scared as fuck to walk back to my room all by myself in the scary darkness.
poo.
and i hate being the third wheel.
i feel so uncomfortable in this room.

x_my__heart @ 2006-12-20T10:02:00

2006-12-20T10:02:37Z

P.S. There is this korean girl that is here with her boyfriend. And may i point out that all the asian couples brought their tripods. I know i've already mentioned this before. But its funny. I feel like im a guest at a photoshoot studio.

P.P.S. Another thing i've noticed is that they are really possesive. The guys...They hold onto their girlfriends for dear life to make sure the other ones dont take them. It's funny. And sweet. Yesss!
The garlic fries came!
I'm SO HAPPY.

And Steph is a good sister.

Stinky.

2006-12-20T09:59:45Z

Today was fun.
I got to go on a banana boat...
It's an inflatable boat that holds 4 people and a speedboat pulls you around the ocean through the waves and stuff.
It made me miss home, magic mountain...blah.
Then, I went kayaking...and that was a good workout. =]
Hmm...then we went to another island for a 'picnic' lunch..and i had about 5 mangoes. Oh, and it turns out that salt really does make things taste less sour...like pineapple for example. Yeah, go ahead and think I'm weird, I thought it was weird too, but it's true.
Oh and now i have a bunch of sand coins in my purse. Yay!
Back at the resort, i went into the pool. Had a nice thinking session about stuff to think about.
Oh my gosh, it feels like forever ago since i last ate. and I'm stuck in a room with some 30-40 year old woman that smells like mid-day porta potty.
yeah. mid-day porta potties are NOT MY FAVORITE...
i dunno, maybe its her shampoo.
ugh.
and this room is pretty small too.
Maybe i should just close my legs and see if it goes away. Maybe its me.
Just kidding.
No one's reading this anyway. But that cheered me up.
I smell like lotion. Good lotion.
So, i keep sniffing my hand to get rid of that awful mid-day porta potty smell. ugh.
Right now i'm taking a break from my homework.
It's stupid having to have to do homework over break. Especially when you're trying to relax...and get your mind off of things...
But no....I have to analyze Huck Finn.
Fun.
Fun. Fun.
=]
Well, I go back to manila tomorrow, I'm excited about that. I think i've seen all there is to be seen at this resort. Or at least most of it.
I can't wait to see my other cousins...considering these ones won't talk to me, theyre too shy haha. They just smile and laugh..and sometimes run away. It's really cute though. One of them thought i said my cousin was dating my sister.
Yeah. cute right?
Ok, i REALLY REALLY hope Steph ordered those garlic fries for me ..because my tummy hurts because i'm malnourished.
Plus, that food would distract me from Smelly McSmelly over here...

Day 4

2006-12-19T11:35:01Z

I'm on day 4..or should i say night 4 of my vacation..and I'm in the computer room by myself..
It's really nice because i can get away from all those asian couples with the tripods/cameras taking pictures or themselves...looking sexy.
ok. that was completely unneccessary. but i thought it was funny. especially because they all have tripods.

today, i went windsurfing...two sessions. one before lunch..and one after.
it was a lot harder than i thought, but i got the hang of it during the second session when the wind actually came.
i got burnt too. and i look cute.
haha anyways, everyone is outside eating, and im just waiting here for my mom to come get me because i promised her i would wait for her before i started eating...she is getting a massage right now with my cousin...and steph and i just finished ours about an hour and a half ago...
it was amazing...and it was my first time.
mm.
she kinda rubbed my temples hard though..i thought my skull would crack.

mm...yeah, its really pretty around here..and they extended our stay on this resort for one more day.
i dunno whether im happy or disappointed about that yet because i kind of wanna go back to see the rest of my family and actually experience the city. not this secluded patch of land.

umumum.

i really miss everyone.
but, the time is going by fast here anyways...
hopefully i make the most out of this.
i think i am. for the most part at least.

oh and the fries are yummy.

i wish i could coordinate this whole time change/communication thing so i can talk to everyone. i will get the hang of it.
but back in manila, i dont think the internet cafes are as nice as this....oh and theyre not free. hehe.
so its too bad. but whatever.
i tried to talk to johnny today, but that didnt work out..mostly because myspace im sucks tripods.
and theres a bug zigzagging across this computer screen.
speaking of which, today i played with an enormous beetle.
it was gross/cool.
i did a lot of new things today..yay.

ok.
im gonna go see if my mom decided to be a jerk and eat without me. :)

Leaving soon.

2006-12-13T07:38:49Z

I won't be with my friends to countdown the end of this year...so i would just like to say..thank you so much for the best year in a really long time.
I've made so many friends...and definitely strengthened some relationships to extents that i would have never expected.
So, I'm definitely upset that I can't spend this christmas with you guys, but hopefully this trip will be a good experience.
Yay!

x_my__heart @ 2006-11-21T03:20:00

2006-11-21T03:20:56Z

I remember when livejournal was popular.
I might use this again.
Then again, that's what i always say.
Hmm...today, i got my license.
I'm super excited.
Too bad i have to put my ecstasy on hold while i do my english essay that's due tonight.
stupid.
stupid.
stupid.
Anyways.
People come back.
Oh.
Life is good for the most part.

x_my__heart @ 2006-09-23T22:30:00

2006-07-24T05:32:33Z

i'm really disappointed that my diaryland got deleted...it wouldve been nice to have gone back and read everything that ive written about back then. =\

well. everything right now is a little overwhelming for my taste. but its ok. i guess this is what i get for living a drama free life for about three years now.

i'm trying to restart this whole diary thing...not livejournal. an actual diary. im not doing too well ..its because i feel like i want to write down every single part of the day. and that takes too long. i dunno. i might go do that now.

and now im learning a song for bubba. and. its EXTREMELY HOT.

x_my__heart @ 2006-06-22T23:10:00

2006-06-23T06:12:07Z

good summer so far.

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x_my__heart @ 2006-04-19T22:07:00

2006-04-20T05:07:47Z

yes ma'am, i am aware that you're beating me.

x_my__heart @ 2006-04-06T20:35:00

2006-04-07T03:37:09Z

fuck boys.

im focusing on school ...thank you very much...

x_my__heart @ 2006-04-02T23:39:00

2006-04-03T06:40:58Z

things always get better. and i know they will soon.

x_my__heart @ 2006-04-02T14:55:00

2006-04-02T21:57:36Z

plus side of having a religion class:

being able to understand what the priest is trying to tell you.

mmhmm

x_my__heart @ 2006-03-26T20:20:00

2006-03-27T04:23:27Z

this is lame.

either someone is logging into my myspace ...or myspace is messing up. cuz i gave up myspace for lent, but apparently, i signed on recently. my friends told me 'they were disappointed' blah blah.

ok, to clarify. im very religious. and i assure you, i havent seen a myspace loggin page since the beginning of lent.

whatever. i don't really have to prove anything to YOU do i?...

x_my__heart @ 2006-03-25T16:51:00

2006-03-26T01:04:32Z

ok jackie's bday was funnnnnn. im not gonna update now cuz im too lazy to think. but yay. here you go jill!

blurry

jill and jackie

ooooh la la jill...

.

ashuns

my bird nest hair

micheal moved the paper. hmph

my mom would have gotten excited..

maxPAIN, chris, and jep

alex white mountain

jackie, sean, and chris dancing the ymca on top of a table..

mmhmm

=]

oh gosh the hooter got bigger

what i said about the fat hooter was mean...

sorry...

my favorite

and sean, the birthday boy

birthday girl and krista martiiiiiiiiiin_ez
alexandraaa

hello jill

op!

prepping with the toilet seat covers

jackie...the birthday girl <3

x_my__heart @ 2006-03-11T15:20:00

2006-03-11T23:31:31Z

i just got my progress report last night.

and im not going to tell you how much i hate my parents. because i dont. and im not going to sit here and whine about how unfair they are...because i probably deserve every bit of what they're giving me...or what theyre taking away [is more appropriate].

i am not doing well. i know what i am capable of. and i am not doing it.

there is a 99.9% chance that i am going to valencia high next year.
and that really really scares me because i dont want to leave notre dame. as much as i bitch about it, i like it there.

this year, my mom told me to quit track. and she would also pull me out of club volleyball.

...well, today i studied for the world civ test. hopefully the A im about to get will bring my grade up.

i dont know...i did this to myself. everyday ....but i never noticed how bad it was until last night. and its my fault. and nobody elses.

shit.

x_my__heart @ 2006-03-09T22:34:00

2006-03-10T06:43:06Z

ok, i remember a couple weeks ago i was killing myself over the whole hooking up deal. well. fuck it. and im glad im over that. it will happen if it does. but i have such different priorities now and im glad. i only wish i could help you.

x_my__heart @ 2006-03-07T00:04:00

2006-03-07T08:04:20Z

it hurts to finally accept that i am no longer as importante.

right now. i feel like freshman year is happening all over again.

why do i do this to myself.

this is bullshit. i cant seem to be important in any relationship/friendship. and i never can keep one.

right now i feel like how i did in fourth grade...when the girls would play polly pocket..and i would be 'the ugly one'. i'd get the 'ugly polly' and that was it. everyone else was so cool.

also when we would play backstreet boys/spice girls. and i'd have to be a backstreet boy because there were no more spice girls left. or quite possibly , the dog if was was lucky.

nowadays, at lunch...i have absolutely no input in whatever matter we're discussing. boys....parties...gossip shit. ok...i'm good at listening, eating, and keeping to myself. but i would be able to relate if i could be a part of your many girls' nights out....no one ever tells me about them. ..i know about them, but i never mention it. i don't want to be one of those girls that bitches about not being a part of the group. though i have broken down in front of a few of them.

everyone seems to be finding their friends now. i know i have friends. and i have good ones too. but i hate the feeling i get when it hits me that i dont have a permanent place.

so basically ...i am just whining right now. there is no one to blame but me. and i know it. but you may know who you are....im sorry i let it go again. if i could take it back i would, but im not worth it. and im really glad you have your little polly pocket playing group now.

truly. i am happy to see you happy...

and...as for those who make me feel like i mean something. thank you, its impossible to express how much it means to me right now at this moment. i cant seem to return the favor. mostly cuz im too busy slumping around and whining about useless shit like this.

...

ugh. is this a result of my lack of sleep....?

maybe i should just sleep...ha